Two Perspectives, One Child

When you look at your child you can see back in time, to the baby and young child he or she once was.

As a parent, you care for your child as if he or she is the only child in the universe. You focus on teaching your child to be his or her own person, develop self-esteem, build on strengths and overcome weaknesses. Even if you have more than one child, you still want these things for each of your children. Above all, you love your children. You love each child as an individual, as a unique person. You try not to compare them to each other or peers, and you try not to judge them, but to accept them for who they are.

Teachers see your child in another light. They see the young adult he or she will become.

Teachers help your child grow as a participant in the social world. Yes, good teachers strive to see students as individuals, strive to develop their strengths and their confidence. But their focus is external. They determine what is best for your child in light of what is best for the group. They focus on teaching children to take their places in the social world. They teach what it means to be part of a community, to be one of many. They are also required to evaluate your child. Teachers see how your child compares to the other children they teach or have taught. They see how your child’s performance measures up to their instructional objectives or to social standards for behavior.

Now, you might argue that you, too, care about your child’s behavior and social skills. You want them to share and take turns, act with love and kindness, and have healthy relationships in their lives. And you want them to be academically successful, and a contributing member of society.

But you mostly want these things to make your child happy. Teachers mostly want these things to make the world happy.

This key difference explains why you feel a sense of tension when you conference with your child’s teacher, when you find out your child has misbehaved, when you feel your child is somehow overlooked in the classroom.

The school sees a different child than you do, and that is not bad news.

It is the push and pull between these two interests—home and school, individual and social—that helps your child become a successful adult.

If you see yourself as the primary caregiver for your child’s internal self, and teachers as the primary caregivers for his or her external self, together you can help your child be both successful and happy.

But pushing and pulling don’t sound very pleasant, nor very collaborative.

Even though you look at your child with different eyes than teachers do, you can learn to speak their language when you talk about your child.

This blog gives you an insider’s view of the world of school, and gives you tips for dealing with a variety of situations that could get ugly. So the next time you feel like charging down to the school to defend your child’s best interests, don’t go into battle unarmed. With the tools offered on this blog, you can tear down the barriers to communication between home and school. It will help you broaden your perspective, so you can speak to the teachers’ point of view, and better communicate your own.